Emily:
Curt found a medical school in Grenada, St. George's University. Our church had connections there, running a mission school for local children, and suddenly this wild idea had a shape.
The plan: sell our Pennsylvania home of eleven years, pack up four boys, and move to a Caribbean island so Curt could chase a dream that had lived in him since childhood.
We thought we'd go for two years, come back, settle into an area, rotate at a local hospital, and ideally get a residency at the same institution, maybe even a job. That was the plan, anyway. Just 4 years and one move...
I had lived internationally before, Guatemala, the Bahamas. I knew what mission life looked like. But this was different. This time I had four young children and a husband who would be consumed by medical school.
Curt:
Grenada was beautiful and transformative. It was also never boring.
We became foster parents to a little girl who needed a home. We volunteered at the mission. The boys discovered the beach and never wanted to leave. For a while, it felt like maybe this impossible thing might actually work.
Emily kept everyone functioning, including me. Medical school is consuming in ways I hadn't understood, and she made sure I came to the beach sometimes, took breaks after exams, remembered I had a family.
I'm not sure I said that enough at the time.
Emily:
But I won't pretend it was easy.
Many nights after the boys were asleep and Curt was at the university studying, I would go out to the veranda. Our house hung on the side of a mountain, and below me the whole community spread out, the golf course, the hillside dotted with lights, the darkness beyond.
I would sit on the railing and look out at all of it, and tears would just stream down my face.
I missed Pennsylvania. I missed normal. I missed having a husband who came home at night instead of disappearing into textbooks and exams. I loved him. I believed in his dream. But the weight of carrying everything, the children, the household, the fear, the loneliness, was heavier than I'd imagined.
There were weeks when we had maybe ten dollars in the account and I didn't know how we were going to buy groceries. We ate what we had in the cupboards. Casseroles with whatever was there. Skipped vegetables. Sometimes unexpected money would show up and we'd buy the bare minimum until the next paycheck.
Curt never knew about the veranda nights. I didn't tell him. I felt like he didn't fully understand the sacrifice I was making, and I didn't know how to explain it without sounding like I was asking him to give up or make his load heavier.
So I cried alone, wiped my face, and went back inside to do the next thing that needed doing.
Curt:
Meanwhile, the island tested our survival instincts on a regular basis. The first summer we were on the island, we got scary news. My mother was diagnosed with cancer, multiple myeloma. At the same time, I was on the island dealing with "imposter syndrome" and struggling with my second term in medical school. The university had a standard procedure where they would recommend you repeat the term if your grades dropped below a certain threshold. Getting into the groove of medical school and the new diagnosis of my mom's cancer, we decided to utilize their "credit remediation" option and to repeat my second term so we could travel back to Pennsylvania and spend time with family.
Emily:
One day I was cleaning on the second floor of the church building when I heard screaming. I ran to the veranda and looked down.
Our minivan was rolling backward down the hill. The doors were open. The twins were inside.
I didn't hear anything after that, no sounds, no voices. I just saw the van rolling and knew my children were in it.
I flew down the steps, through the gate, around the building. The doors had caught on a post and bent backward. The van kept going until it climbed a road bank and finally stopped.
Everyone was fine. The van was fixable. I stood there for a moment, heart pounding, reconsidering my life choices.
Curt:
Our house hung on the side of a mountain, gorgeous view of the ocean, but not exactly child-proofed. The veranda dropped off eight feet on one side. Laundry hung over the railing.
One day, the twins were playing hide-and-seek. Logan hid behind the laundry. Lawson, looking for him, shoved it aside, not realizing his brother was behind it.
Logan went over the edge, landed on the ground right beside a drainage pipe, and walked away without a scratch.
Grenada had limited healthcare. If he'd been seriously hurt, I don't know what we would have done. We learned to pray with increased frequency and specificity.
Shawn climbed a palm tree leaning out over the ocean. We told him to hang on for a photo-op.
He didn't.
Fell thirteen feet. Landed flat on his back on the sand.
"I broke my back!" he cried the whole way home.
He was fine. We were not.
Emily:
We spent many evenings on campus as a family. Scooters, basketball, and rock climbing kept us busy till bedtime, after a quick supper with Curt.
My sanity during these two years was the SO (Significant Other organization). Women who were in the same exact shoes as me and totally got it. We did so many things together, and I made friends for life.
Curt:
Then COVID arrived.
The university closed with two days' notice. We had to evacuate immediately.
Our foster daughter, a little girl who had become part of our family in ways that made it feel like she'd always been there, couldn't come with us. Another family from our church took her in, people we trusted completely.
But saying goodbye to a child with forty-eight hours' notice is not something you recover from quickly.
Emily:
The thing is, I didn't know it was really goodbye. I thought we were coming back. I thought it was temporary, a quick evacuation, and then life would return to normal. So I didn't grieve properly in the moment. I told her we'd see her soon.
By the time I realized we weren't going back, we were in the States dealing with a whole new set of crises. The grief got buried under survival.
It's still there, somewhere, unfinished.